Love - Art - Disease - Pain - Life-Humanness - "Otherness"
In our desensitised society,
the artists,
the bohemians, poor, discarded,
"others", recovering addicts -
all are more in touch
with their human-ness
than the so called
mainstream.
Despite everything -
HUMANNESS, LOVE, LIFE, ART survives.
-Jonathan Larson
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
Truth, Beauty, Freedom and above all things, Love
I was watching tv tonight after I got home from the gym...and the end of Moulin Rouge was on. I didn't think that I could ever give it any more credit than I had in the past...but tonight I saw it through new eyes.
"Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many-splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!"
-Christian Moulin Rouge
"But I know about art and love, if only because I long for it with every fiber of my being."
-Toulouse-Lautrec Moulin Rouge
"Never knew
I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart
Can you hear it sing
Come back to me
And forgive everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you
'til the end of time"
-Satine Moulin Rouge
7:58 PM
"I'm fine. I mean, I'm not running around, wind in my hair, the hills are alive with the sound of music fine, but..."
-- Jenny Calendar, Buffy The Vampire Slayer
I saw Final Destination 2 last night. Ick. It wasn't all that good. It had the same premise as the first movie...except the death scenes were more gruesome. Same type twist at the end...and don't give me crap for spoiling it...because you know that it's NEVER OVER. I broke my "no carb" rule and had popcorn last night...and then realized the reason why I DONT LIKE popcorn. The "getting stuck in your teeth" factor is my main big.
I think I'm heading out to GA this weekend. Staying home alone in that house just doesn't seem appealing anymore.
Random Thought:
Tuna in pouches taste good.
10:23 AM
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
I Hear There Are Great Restaurants Out West...
I realized that I don't really belong here anymore. It's true that I have a lot of ties in Columbia, but sometimes you have to let go. Disney is calling once again...and the non-portfolio is going in the mail today. Hollywood...the dream factory. My dream factory. Go west, young man.
I got an email yesterday with an offer for my next book, "Grymm's Fairy Tales". I'm being pressured into signing for a SUMMER release...geez...that's just around the corner. I need some time to digest what's about to hit me. I feel it coming...like a window of opportunity...but it feels more like a train.
It's weird the places that you can meet people. Like Nicole...she met her pseudo, quasi, semi boyfriend at Best Buy. They've been together for a little less than a year...weird relationship. I met a guy named Jim at the hair place yesterday. I was introduced by Aaron, the guy that's been cutting my hair for the past year. Jim's from Chicago...and moved here recently. He's currently looking for a graphics job in Columbia. There may be one at BellSouth before too long. ;O )
It's been a week since Drew and I split up. It's hard to explain what I'm feeling right now. I could hate him, I could damn him, I could criticize his decisions, his character, his morals and his stubborness. But I don't...I take into consideration his feelings, too. I miss him, and I have the urge to call him every day and tell him that I love him. I don't because he already knows it. Old habits die hard. I know he misses me, too...I can feel it. I love him now more than I ever did when I was with him. It's a shame to think that he may never see me again. I have such a cute smile. =O )
I'm so cool...and it's about time that I show people (not just myself) how awesome I am. Changes abound...
10:48 AM
Monday, February 03, 2003
EXT. COOK COUNTY COURTHOUSE
ZOOM IN:
ROXIE'S FACE PEERING OUT OF WINDOW
INTRO: NOWADAYS
FADE IN:
INT. CHICAGO STAGE
Roxie:
It's good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it?
Nowadays
Conductor:
Ladies and gentlemen. Miss Roxie Hart says goodnight.
Roxie:
There's men, everywhere
Jazz, everywhere
Booze, everywhere
Life, everywhere
Joy, everywhere
Nowadays
You can like the life you're livin'
You can live the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with Ike
And that's
Good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it...
But nothin' stays...
FADE TO BLACK
I'D WANT ME IF I WERE ME...
It's true...nothing stays. It's like that song, "Life is just a bowl of cherries"...
Life is just a bowl of cherries;
Don’t make it serious;
Life’s too mysterious.
You work, you save, you worry so,
But you can’t take your dough when you go, go, go.
So keep repeating it’s the berries;
The strongest oak must fall.
The sweet things in life
To you were just loaned,
So how can you lose what you’ve never owned?
Life is just a bowl of cherries,
So live and laugh at it all.
Life's little lessons are so, so, so important. I think that the biggest thing that I've learned through the years is that, in the long run, you can't depend on anyone or anything but yourself. If the right guy comes along...it's ok to depend on him, but remember that he may not be there for you always. I've done a pretty good job on my own, but it's such a downer to think that nothing lasts forever. Being the perpetual optimist, I always want things to be beautiful and happy. I've also learned that sometimes, people, places or things can't be beautiful and happy on their own...they need a boost. Then again, some people don't want boost's. I'm not in the business of changing people.
I've got the monday blues for more than one reason...but I actually find sanctuary in my work surroundings. I suppose that's why I stayed some nights until 6:30 last week. My art coach Tom told me last Thursday that I was receiving "ARTIST OF THE YEAR" at the annual BellSouth awards banquet next week. That came as quite a shock...and it's supposed to be a secret. Oops. I'll have been here 4 years this April...and I'm finally worth the crystal punch bowl. I'm a college graduate, professional artist, published author & illustrator and I still find time in all my madness for my work with Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS and The Palmetto Health Foundation. I am passionate and full of drive and determination. I can paint, draw, sculpt, sing, dance and write music. I have free will and wanton lust...which can sometimes get out of hand, but everyone knows that you have to indulge yourself sometimes. I have gotten where I am today because of that will and determination...and it's still there. I hope it never goes away. I always want more. I strive for creation. I want to do better. I know it sounds pompous, but how could anyone not want me? I'd want me if I were me. Wait...I am me and I do want me. Forgive me if I thought what I had was good, maybe I had too much faith in myself. I'm started to see a singles ad...ooh...here we go, how's this:
SWGM ISO THE SAME
Hi guys! My name's John and I'm a very deep and passionate person who is seeking someone for friend's, fun or whatever! I'm a 27 year old professional graphic artist with a heart of gold. I'm a published children's book author and illustrator, and in my free time I enjoy donating my talents to Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS and The Palmetto Health Foundation. I love going to the gym and tearing up the elipticals but also enjoy the home-body lifestyle...cuddling to a good Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode or old movie is an ideal evening. I enjoy cooking and entertaining at home (CRANIUM is the best!), but also love to explore new and interesting places. I'm a collector, so I love to peruse antique malls and junk shops. I'm tired of dead-end relationships and I'm not into one night stands, bars or drama. I don't drink on a regular basis and never smoke...and prefer that my friends don't either. I'm open to new people, places and things. My moto is, "I'll try it once. If I like it...I might try it again. As long as it's safe, noone gets hurt and it feels good...do it." Anyway...if you like what you see so far there is a lot more to discover! Drop me a line...I'm sure you won't regret it. Selfish and/or self absorbed people need not apply.
Jesus. I can't believe I just wrote that. I'm scared as hell right now...and I don't want to start over. In the same instance I want to run headlong into a pit full of single men and scream at the top of my lungs, "I'M SINGLE AGAIN!" I need to find some people that want to be with me right now...and vice-versa. I was told by a complete stranger in charleston last weekend that I had sexy hands. If only I could find someone that looks beyond my damn hands...
"I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal
Is just to be
There's only now
There's only here
Give into love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today...
No day but today...
No day but today..."
-Mimi RENT
10:55 AM
Sunday, February 02, 2003
"But it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you...and YOU were there!"
-The Wizard of Oz
God, Charleston is a beautiful town. The water, the sky, the architecture...the OLDNESS of the place really makes you step back and think "oh my god...I'm just one small person...". The market was full of people yesterday...and it was the second time in a week that I've seen Heather Hudgens. Maybe I need to convince her that I'm NOT stalking her. There is something in her boyfriends eyes that was nicely assuring. Love, maybe. Longing? The way he looked at her made me smile. I also witnessed a guy giving another guy a flower yesterday. It was so sweet...and I imagined that their love was new. They were both so handsome (as you are a minority in Charleston not to be) and I started to feel low. When that happens, I remember:
"I shall not envy lovers, but long for what they share.
An empty room is merciless. Don't be surprised if I confess
I need some comfort there"
-AIDA
We saw THE LION KING at the IMAX last night...and that was pure power. I totally dig getting to see it that big...you can see the pencil marks in the animation...and the texture of the illustration board for the backgrounds. The last time I was in that theatre was when Drew and I went to see Beauty and the Beast last January. Our passion was new then...and I was so in love. It was the best feeling in the world...
This morning I woke up in someone else's bed. That was strange. I dreamt about Ben last night...our woe's shared. I miss him. Maybe I should call him and get him to come down to Columbia for a while.
Being in Charleston has made me miss Drew even more. My time with him seems all but a dream. It's like I woke up one day, and he was gone...because it happened so abbruptly for me. All the memories and evidence of his existence are still evident in my life and I don't want to start losing them yet. I miss him more than I could ever put into words.
Today we're downtown again. Hopefully we can see what all this "floating objects" nonsense at the aquarium is about (enter jokes of the toilet humour variety here). My heart is so full right now...I can't even begin to explain how much Ash, Mandy and Nicole mean to me. Thank you for being selfless and beautiful. I love you so much.
11:22 AM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
