Love - Art - Disease - Pain - Life-Humanness - "Otherness"
In our desensitised society,
the artists,
the bohemians, poor, discarded,
"others", recovering addicts -
all are more in touch
with their human-ness
than the so called
mainstream.
Despite everything -
HUMANNESS, LOVE, LIFE, ART survives.
-Jonathan Larson
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Wednesday, August 06, 2003
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower...
So, it's Wednesday. Ho hum. Ben was over last night. We caught up and watched old episodes of Buffy until Amanda came over. She showed up with a brand new Honda Civic. It had 5 miles on it. Damn. Hillary met us out at Carrabba's for dinner...then Ben and I headed back to my house to watch "THEY". Shitful movie...I highly discommend it.
Ashley is stopping by on her way to Greenville tonight for dinner. Running into her in Charleston last week was just the biggest coincedence. Eric's birthday is this weekend...he'll finally be 18. He's going up to the American Idol concert in Charlotte friday night...I hope it's a blast.
Since I don't have much to say, I'll just start quoting. I suppose that's the best precursor to my mood...
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Production Code: 3ABB20
Episode 54, Scene 7
In a sewer tunnel. Buffy and Angel enter through a manhole in the roof of the tunnel and start walking.
Buffy: I always say patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers.
Angel: I'm sure I saw him come down here.
Buffy: Couldn't we just let this be the vamp that got away? We could say he was this big. (Holds hands apart, like a fish story.)
Angel: What can I say? I need closure.
Buffy: You need clothes. You don't have a tux, do you?
Angel: Since when did patrolling go black tie?
Buffy: For the prom, silly.
Angel: We have more important things to think about right now than a dance, Buffy.
Buffy: Sorry, Giles. I'll just be quiet.
Angel: Come on, don't be that way.
A vampire drops from the roof, growling.
Buffy: Not now.
Buffy casually stakes the vampire and turns to Angel.
Buffy: I'm not being that way. Every time I say the word 'prom', you get grouchy.
Angel: I'm sorry. I'm just worried that you're getting too...invested in this whole thing.
Buffy: What whole thing? Isn't this the stuff that I'm supposed to get invested in? Going to a formal, graduating, growing up.
Angel: I know.
Buffy: Then what? What's with the dire?
Angel: It's uh, it's nothing.
Buffy: No, you have 'something' face.
Angel: I think we need to talk, but not now and not here.
Buffy: No. No, if you have something to say, then say it. (silence) Angel, drop the cryptic. You're scaring me.
Angel: I've been thinking... about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me being together, is unfair to you.
Buffy: Is this about what the Mayor said? Because he was just trying to shake us up.
Angel: He was right.
Buffy: No. No, he wasn't. He's the bad guy.
Angel: You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you.
Buffy: I don't care about that.
Angel: You will. And children.
Buffy: Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish.
Angel: Today. But you have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life.
Buffy: I'll never have a normal life.
Angel: Right, you'll always be a Slayer. But that's all the more reason why you should have a real relationship instead of this, this freak show. (Buffy is stunned.) I didn't mean that.
Buffy: I'm gonna go.
Angel: (grabs her arm) I'm sorry. Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this.
Buffy: Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this?
Angel: Have you, rationally?
Buffy: No. No, of course not. I'm just some swoony little schoolgirl, right?
Angel: I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart.
Buffy: Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating!
Angel: Don't.
Buffy: Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you.
Angel: I don't.
Buffy pauses as her eyes well up with tears.
Buffy: You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me.
Angel: It doesn't mean that I don't ...
Buffy: How am I supposed to stay away from you?
Angel: I'm leaving. After the Ascension, after it's finished with the Mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go.
Buffy: Where?
Angel: I don't know.
Buffy: Is this really happening?
Fade to a cityscape showing the moon hanging in the night sky. Switch to Buffy, alone and miserable. Switch to Angel staring into his fireplace.
"After the dance, we left in sam's pickup. Patrick was driving this time. As we were approaching the fort pitt tunnel, sam asked patrick to pull to the side of the road. I didn't know what was going on. sam then climbed in the back of the pickup, wearing nothing but her dance dress. She told patrick to drive, and he got this smile on his face. I guess they had done this before.
Anyway, patrick started driving really fast, and just before we got to the tunnel, sam stood up, and the wind turned her dress into ocean waves. When we hit the tunnel, all the sound got scooped up into a vacuum, and it was replaced by a song on the tape player. A beautiful song called "landslide." when we got out of the tunnel, sam screamed this really fun scream, and there it was. Downtown. Lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick started laughing. I started laughing.
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.
Love always,
Charlie "
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower
-Stephen Chbosky
"...because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody."
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower
-Stephen Chbosky
"Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird who cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a barren field frozen with snow."
Dreams
Langston Hughes
Beast: You came back.
Belle: If only I'd come here sooner.
Beast: Maybe...maybe it's better this way.
Belle: No! Don't talk like that. We're together now. Everything
will be fine. You'll see...
Beast: At least I get to see you one last time.
Belle: (reprise of HOME) We are home. We are where we shall be forever. Trust in me, for you know I won't run away. From today, this is all that I need and all that I need to say. Don't you know how you've changed me? Strange how I finally see. I've found home. You're my home. Stay with me.
The Beast fades into death as the last rose petal falls
Belle: No! No, please! Don't leave me! I love you.
-DISNEY'S BEAUTY AND THE BEAST ON BROADWAY
Boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
-THE MATRIX
Rose: "It's getting quiet."
Jack: "It’s just gonna take a couple of minutes to get the boats organized... I don't know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all this."
Rose: "I love you, Jack."
Jack: "Don’t you do that! Don't say your good-byes. Not yet. Do you understand me? "
Rose: "I'm so cold."
Jack: "Listen Rose, you're gonna get out of here...you're going to go on and you're going to make lots of babies and you're gonna watch them grow and you're going to die an old lady, warm in your bed. Not here. Not tonight. Not this night. Not like this. Do you understand me? "
Rose: "I can't feel my body."
Jack: "Winning that ticket was the best thing that ever happened to me. It brought me to you. And I'm thankful, Rose. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor... you must promise me you will survive... that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopeless...promise me now, and never let go of that promise."
Rose: "I promise."
Jack: "Never let go."
Rose: "I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
-TITANIC
Heather: "It's just like Hamlet said, 'To thine own self be true.'"
Cher: "Hamlet didn't say that."
Heather: "I think I remember Hamlet accurately."
Cher: "Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did."
-CLUELESS
Worm: "Ello."
Sarah: "Did you say Hello?"
Worm: "No, I said ello, but that's close enough."
Sarah: "Oh... you're a worm, aren't you?"
Worm: "Yeah, that's right."
Sarah: "You don't by any chance know the way through this labyrinth, do you?"
Worm: "Who, me? No, I'm just a worm. Say, come inside, and meet the Mrs."
- -LABYRINTH
Zeniba: Now, try to remember as much as you can about your old life.
Chihiro: For some reason, I can remember Haku... from a long time ago... but I thought I never met him before!
Zeniba: Oh, that's a wonderful place to start! Once you meet someone, you never really forget them.
-SPIRITED AWAY
"If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh, why can't I?"
Dorothy
-THE WIZARD OF OZ
"Here is the man we like to call Mr., uh, (to herself) Titspervert! Titspervert! (to audience) Fitzherbert. Because... that is his name."
-BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY
"This calls for some really tiny knickers!"
-BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY
When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
WhenI love you no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing can make you change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what
That's When I Love You
-Aslyn
5:52 PM
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
If I lived in New York City, I wouldn't need a car...
Amanda's car is about to bite the proverbial bullet. The transmission had a major panic attack on her way home from the barn last night...and she hasn't been to work today. After being checked out by a transmission shop...they can't find anything wrong with it. I suppose the car was only kiddin' with her. Needless to say, I think that it's about time that Amanda purchased a new car. If something major happens to that car...then it'll be too late to trade it in for any sort of cash value. After everything that's happened to my blazer in the past month, I know how expensive it can be. Can we say RAMEN?
Overeact much?
Eating no carbs can be painfully expensive when your dining out, especially at O'Charley's casual dining house on Harbison Blvd. All I wanted was a single, grilled chicken breast. Easy enough, right? Wrong. When the server went to find out how much it would cost, she returned to say, "...um...we can't make just chicken...". That sounded rediculous, so she went and talked to the manager. When she came back, I found out that they were going to charge $8. I wasn't rude to our server at all, but when I told her that I couldn't eat anything off of the menu and I wasn't going to pay that much for a chicken breast, she looked like she was going to break out in tears. Amanda then refused to order any food since I wasn't going to eat...so we wound up walking out. I felt horrible, but I'm not about to load up on some greasy and carb loaded food when I've been doing so good lately. I left the server $2 for her trouble, but left vowing never to return. This is the third time that O'Charleys has proven to be at the bottom of customer service and satisfaction. Strike three and your out...
NutraFin
Since we were right by PetSmart...I figured I would stop in and pick up some goldfish food for my little buddy. It was cool to finally meet Billy. I have to trust his opinion and recommendations on all things fish, since I'm the neophyte and he's the pet store guy. He hooked me up with some NutraFin and a metal weight for some zucchini, if I ever feel like givin' him a treat (the fish, not Billy...ha).
A ripple in John's past...
Ben's in town. We stayed on the phone last night for a couple of hours chattin' it up. Damn, it was good to hear his voice. He's coming up tonight from Orangeburg for some...times. Yeah, I know that was vague...and it was meant to be. I haven't seen the shmo in almost five years...and we've both been through a lot. Hell, Ben's been married AND divorced since I saw him last! We got through four years of high school together...and that was only the beginning. I bet he looks as fine as he did back then...totally ripped from playing soccer up in Richmond. Tight.
The digitizing of my portfolio is going rather smoothly...but I still haven't found an easy to manage program to showcase my work that's both MAC and PC compatible. The search continues...
Ciao for now...
-J
2:00 PM
Monday, August 04, 2003
THAT WAS REALLY SICK, JOHN...
Okay, so some of you have written me telling me that the staple babies were really disturbing. Well, duh. I think it's absolutely horrific. I just thought it was funny because whenever Amanda and I see those Berenguer baby dolls (that artists are turning into "reborns" on eBay) at the toy store...we laugh until we pee. We've even nicknamed one brand the "FAT TITS" babies...because they, quite literally, have fat tits.
When I followed the links on the staple babies website, I found something that I'm totally creeped out and fascinated with at the same time. BODY WORLDS: The Anatomical Exhibition of Real Human Bodies features the instructional display of individual exhibits, thus enabling visitors to experience anatomy step by step as an intrinsic part of their body – quite similar to a three-dimensional textbook. It's frightening because all of a sudden we're forced to dwell on our own mortality. Totally out of a horror movie, eh? In fact if you explore the website long enough, you'll find the picture of a tri-sected man riding a horse. There was something extremely similar at the foot of the basement stairs in the 1999 remake of THE HOUSE ON HORROR HILL. I readily admit that I like horror movies, but the only reason that I even saw that movie to begin with was because of Taye Diggs, who was BENNY in the original broadway cast of RENT.
Anyway, back to BODY WORLDS. It's nothing less than human taxidermy, using medical science as an excuse. I don't know if I would go to an exhibition like this or not...I'd be scared that I wouldn't ever leave. I can see it now...the hidden camera's are following the 6'5" man as he carefully inspects the exhibit...a trap door opens and he's gone, without a trace. At the next stop on the exhibition tour, there's a new exhibit of a 6'5" corpse, carefully sitting at a sewing machine making an outfit for a stuffed bear. That's the thing...I don't think it would be so creepy if they didn't have them posed in different settings, but I understand that they want to show the bodies in motion.
Really, really creepy.
10:33 AM
Sunday, August 03, 2003
It was a dark and lonely Sunday night...
Life has been full throttle since coming back from NYC last week. And I'm not talking about the dreadful CHARLIES ANGELS sequel, either. Actually...that movie wasn't all that bad. Just seeing Jacqueline Smith come back as an original ANGEL kicked some majorly fabulous Farrah-hair ass.
NYC was a blast. Eric and I packed in about a week's worth of fantabulousness into three short days. We saw four shows, met up with old friends and shopped, shopped, shopped. The highlight was getting to see HAIRSPRAY. Since winning so many TONY awards, that show has been slammed full...and we were fortunate to score orchestra tix the day of the show. It was so unbelieveable that I didn't want it to end. We got to meet all of the cast after the show...along with Ethan Hawke (who suddenly appeared to my left out of nowhere) wearing some really kickin' pants (perhaps Express, but I wasn't too sure). Harvey Fiestein really is a celebrity...and he doesn't let his fans forget it. "NO PICTURES, PLEASE. I DONT TAKE PICTURES. I'M A PERSON, NOT A BUILDING". As an author friend of mine said, "Honey, once you won that Tony award...YOU BECAME A BUILDING!"....HA! He really was great as Edna...and it was a whole new take on Divine's original character from the movie. "Tracy, be a dear. Hold Mommy's Waffles..."
Gay Magic
Has anyone been watching QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY? You know the one...where the 5 gay guys help out one totally clueless straight man? In the midst of helping him get his act together by means of culture, food and wine, clothing, health & beauty and interior design...each hour-long show is amazingly funny. I missed the first couple of episodes, but when I caught it last week I was floored because:
1. Jai Rodriguez is one of the fab 5. I was so shocked because Jai played ANGEL in RENT on broadway for years, and I worked with him on my past couple of trips to NYC (for costume purposes with the Broadway Bears...my 2004 bear is Angel)
and
2. The show is HILARIOUS. Sure the guys are gushingly queer in some instances, but always on target with their blunt wit. The show is doing great in the ratings...so I'm very excited for them.
Then there's BOY MEETS BOY. It's the same as all of the other reality dating shows...except this one's all gay. The catch? Some of the guys ARE STRAIGHT! Hmmm...I don't really see the point. I watched the first episode last week...and wasn't too impressed. I'll watch it again only because it's about damn time the reality shows turned queer.
A DOLLY FOR YOUR VERY OWN...
I like dolls. They can remind us of perpetual childhood, hope and beauty...and sometimes (in my previous experience) they can be worth lots and lots of money. Some can even pay off your car! I don't know how I stumbled on to this web site...but I did...and it would be a shame if I didn't share it with you kids out there in tv-land. **WARNING** If you have a delicate stomach, or do not wish to view *EXTREMELY* graphic images of mutilation, do not follow the link. This web site oversteps the bounds of good taste...but from a severely morbid and artistic stand point, I think that these things are kinda cool. I don't think I'll be trying to acquire one anytime soon, though.
Here's the link, kiddies...and remember I warned you!
AUTOPSY BABIES
11:26 PM
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