Love - Art - Disease - Pain - Life-Humanness - "Otherness" In our desensitised society, the artists, the bohemians, poor, discarded, "others", recovering addicts - all are more in touch with their human-ness than the so called mainstream. Despite everything - HUMANNESS, LOVE, LIFE, ART survives. -Jonathan Larson   Archives << current   This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.

The Inner John...   Thursday, August 14, 2003   "Link, I gotta get outta here! If only we had some hairspray and a zippo lighter, I think we could make an easy-bake oven kinda' blow torch". Tracy Turnblad HAIRSPRAY 4:02 PM Tuesday, August 12, 2003   Next time, I hope it's different... My friend Dale wrote me today. Among other topics, he expressed his disdane for the extremely tired act of dating. Here's a portion of my response. Tue 8/12/03 10:02 AM >>I can empathize with your frustration towards "the gay world", Dale. It's so tough to find someone to connect with in such an isolating age. It makes you think that secure and trusting relationships are just not meant to be. That we, as humans (as opposed to a specific sexual orientation), are designed to be alone, or have many lovers in our lifetime. When I thought about it...so many of the married, straight and queer folks that I know are in relationships for the wrong reasons. Most commonly, too many people *think* they know what they want...but when they start pondering if the grass is greener on the other side, all rationality can be blown to pieces. I can tell you this from experience: the grass is only greener WHERE YOU WATER IT. It seems so simple but yet so complex at the same time. I know it sounds trite, but I've been pensive about the meaning of life lately...when it comes to gay men and especially when it comes to me. I haven't had (most of) my life handed to me on a silver platter...I have my skeletons in the closet and I'm addicted to Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. There are some things in this world that scare the daylights out of me...like disease and death and being alone and how I'm going to deal if I ever have to face such a thing. But, I know how to love, and someday I'll love someone again. And maybe, just maybe...I'll experience what it's like to be loved in return. It could be for just a short time, but it might make me forget temporarily about all of these flaws in the thing we call the human condition. On the next go 'round I think I'd rather be a fish.<< I hope that didn't make me come off as some apathetic queer fascist. I don't know everything about dating, men or gay culture, nor do I pretend or want to know it all. All I know is how to relate and accept the things that I've been a part of, and draw my judgements from experience. Sometimes I wish I were just a little more naive to the world. Maybe that way I wouldn't worry so much about the small poop. Ah, to be a kid again. Ciao, John 1:11 PM Monday, August 11, 2003   Good Morning, Baltimore... My friend Jen in Florida sent me a few pictures from my last trip to NYC...and I'll post them here as soon as I get the time! Some Love Songs Are Actually Cool... This song is playing in my cd player right now. Heather Headley rocks my world.... He Touched Me He touched me He put his hand near mine And then he touched me I felt a sudden tingle when he touched me A sparkle, a glow He knew it... It wasn't accidental, no, he knew it He smiled and seem to tell me so all through it He knew it, I know... He's real, and the world is alive and shining I feel such a wonderful drive t'wards valentining He touched me I simply have to face the fact He touched me Control myself and try to act As if I remember my name But he touched me... He touched me... And suddenly nothing is the same! 'Cause he touched me...He touched me... And suddenly...nothing, nothing, nothing is the same *sigh* This week already seems to be getting a bit busy. It's not easy being so popular, I tell you that. Well, I better jet. Happy Monday... 9:45 AM Sunday, August 10, 2003   A VERY MERRY UN-BIRTHDAY... Hi ya. Sunday and it's nearly 1. We didn't get up until noon since we stayed out so late last night. Eric got his first dose of queer life last night on his 18th birthday! We started at The Art Bar, and then headed to PT's on Assembly. Eric saw his first "real-life" strippers and even got a kiss on the cheek! *yum* My friend Julio is a bar-tender at PT's...and he was telling us NOT to miss the drag show at PT's Cabaret in 5 points...so we left for that soon after. That was a riot! The guest performor was Destiny Hunter...who was AWESOME! She was big, black and BEAUTIFUL! Eric got called up on stage and everyone in the club sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY to him...and he got to do a virgin shot of something juice-ey. We then left PT's and Amanda dropped us over at Revolution. So, Eric didn't know what to think of Revolution! It's loud, dark, smoky and noisy...but full of eye-candy to say the least. I ran into a few people I hadn't seen in a while...and met a few new people, too. It's amazing what a small world it turns out to be sometimes. This one guy, Matt, that stopped me upstairs (because he thought I was cute, no less...and then gave me a compliment about me not looking a day over 21 *god bless you*) wound up knowing my friend Dale in Hilton Head! Dale used to date Marco...until that ended quite bitterly a little over a year ago. Marco and Matt used to work at the same hotel together...and they also dated for a short time. Like I said...small world. Or, small state with an extremely small queer community. Yah, that's it. Eric and I came home and ate Cheesecake and finished watching Hairspray with the audio commentary left on...and we were sacked out by 4am. I miss Alex. He left yesterday for Montreat with his family...and that makes me feel a little bit sorry for him. He's all cooped up in some house with nothing but a walk-man and a book. *shrugs* That makes me miss him! Hey...I took the same test that was on his live journal, and I wound up being the same "Pirates of the Caribbean" fetish as he. Hmmmm. Are we alike or what? LOL. Yes, now you kiddies at home can take the quiz, too...just follow the link at the bottom...Ha ha. You are.... Ragetti's dress fetish. Okay, so you like dressing up. Frilly things are fun! There's no shame in being who you are, and you DO look rather fetching in that strawberry number. Oh yes, and you encourage your friends to come along. After all, no one likes to look ODD, do they? Which Pirates of the Caribbean Character's Unhealthy Fetish are YOU? brought to you by Quizilla Okay...now it's after 1 and I gotta get this day started. Lots to do...lots to do... XOXO, John 1:13 PM