Love - Art - Disease - Pain - Life-Humanness - "Otherness"
In our desensitised society,
the artists,
the bohemians, poor, discarded,
"others", recovering addicts -
all are more in touch
with their human-ness
than the so called
mainstream.
Despite everything -
HUMANNESS, LOVE, LIFE, ART survives.
-Jonathan Larson
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Thursday, August 21, 2003
Desiderata
Max Ehrmann, 1927
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
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Note: Although often said to have been found in Old St. Paul's Church, Baltimore, and dated 1692, this poem was written by attorney and businessman Max Ehrmann (1872-1945) of Terre Haute, Indiana, in 1927. His widow, Bertha K. Ehrmann, renewed the original copyright in 1954.
According to a 1977 story by Washington Post reporter Barbara J. Katz, Rev. Frederick Ward Kates, rector of Old St. Paul's Church in Baltimore in the late 1950s, mimeographed an unsigned copy of this and numerous other inspirational poems to distribute to worshippers. The copies were printed on the church's letterhead, which read "Old Saint Paul's Church, Baltimore, A.D. 1692," the year the church was founded. Presumably some of the copies were carried from the church and eventually became widely circulated, with the significance of the original letterhead becoming obscured. In the 1960s, America's "flower children" popularized the poem they thought was a centuries-old message of peace and love. Both the poem's popularity and the confusion surrounding its origin persist.
5:01 PM
"When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction."
-Ginger Rogers
I'm at a weight-loss plateau. No matter how little I eat or how excessively I work out, I'm not getting anywhere fast. I started a new regime this past monday, so we'll see where this takes me. My BMI is still about 20 pounds off...so that means that I won't be happy until I've shed another 25 pounds. I can do it...I can do it...
I pulled the muscles in my neck yesterday morning after the gym. It's been a pretty painful go of things, but the darvocet is a bit of a relief. I should be hunky-dory by the end of the weekend.
I've been in need of a mental tidy lately. A friend and I were talking last night about relationships. He and I have both recently had experiences with guys who weren't all too comfortable being in their own skins. More or less, they just weren't all that keen on accepting their sexual orientation for what it was. His deliberation on good relationships vs. bad really opened my eyes and made me think about my own personal experiences with dating. Whereas I always thought that guys left me because they get the "I wonder if something better is out there" bug, Jason figures that most guys that have left him do so because they're new to the fidelity of dating. I'll admit that most of my long term relationships have been good, although they weren't without flaws (Drew tried to teach me that nothing is perfect...but perfection is in the eye of the beholder to my way of thinking). This is interesting to me on an analytical level. I would love to hear from those guys that I've been involved with...to see if they are happy right now with the dating world. I know I'm not. Too many lies. Too many backstabbing, snotty, bleached-out, hippocrytical and superficial guys. Noone to really connect with. So where is this one out of every twenty-fifth guy that's supposed to come along and sweep me off my feet? Dr. Richardson didn't have all of his facts straight. Yes, maybe only 1 out of every 25 people will have a connection, but only 1 in 10 men is queer. Is this demographic of 25 people a random mix of straight, gay and bisexual orientation? Or is that just the queer factor? When I'm in a room with 25 men, does this mean that there is another gay man there besides me? One in ten? Does someone there really have the need, want or urge to connect with me on some sort of meaningful level? There has to be an allowance for over- and under-estimation. It's all so mind boggling. I wish people were just people. I wish (my) life were simpler. I wish I had a million dollars.
Boy, what I could do with a million dollars.
And a fishing pole.
4:42 PM
Monday, August 18, 2003
Parker: Hey. Uh...Did you want something?
Willow: Yes. I wanted to give you a piece of my mind. I'm tired of you
men and your man-ness. Buffy's really hurting right now. In fact she's
in need of a big mental tidy. Parker, how could you do this to her?
Parker: Oh, I don't get what you mean. What did I do?
Willow: She shared something very intimate with you. And you act like
it's nothing more than a bag of...some kind of snack food.
Parker: Willow, I'm not sure I need to explain my actions here, but if
that's what you want...
Willow: Yes followed by an admission of undeniable guilt. But go
on. (She sits down with him)
Parker: Some relationships center on a deep emotional tie. Or a loyal
friendship. Or something. But most are just two people passing through
life enriching or aggravating each other's lives briefly.
Willow: Go on...
Parker: Just for one night can't two people who feel an attraction
come together and create something wonderful? And then go back to
their lives the next day better for it but never over analyzing it or
wanting it to be more than it was? I have. She should, too.
Willow: People like Buffy a-and me assume that intimacy means
friendship and respect. People shouldn't have to ask first "Are you
going to be eyeing other prospects tomorrow.
Parker: People shouldn't have to preface casual sex with “just so you
know I'll never grow any older with you.” It takes the fire out of it.
Willow: Maybe.
Parker: Willow, I don't regret what happened. Or what we did. But I am
sorry that Buffy's hurting and if I mislead her than I'm sorry for
that too I didn't mean to. I'm impressed that you care so much about
her. You're a good friend.
Cut to the pub where Parker and Willow have moved to a couch and are
still talking
Parker: I don't mean this in a bragging way but I do get to know a lot
of women.
Willow: Well, getting to know people is good.
Parker: But I haven't found the one yet. I've yet to find the girl
that I can just sit with. Feeling totally at ease. Spewing whatever's on
my mind. Or even sit with comfortably in silence. Willow, can I tell
you something kinda private?
Willow: okay, I mean I feel you've shown me a perspective I haven't
really thought much about before. What was it you wanted to tell me?
Parker: Just that I've enjoyed talking to you. Here. Tonight.
Willow: Me too. I mean, with you. You know, I'm wondering
something. About you.
Parker: What?
Willow: Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean with your gentle
eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly even to me!
You're unbelievable!
Parker: What?
Willow: This isn't sharing. This isn't connecting. It's the pleasure
principle. That's right I got your number ID boy. The only thing
you're thinking about is how long before you can jump on my bones
Parker: Look, if you think that I'm...
Willow: I mean, you men. It's all about the sex! You find a woman,
drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary just as long as you get
the sex. I tell you men haven't changed since the dawn of time.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Episode 61
Beer Bad
Written By:
Tracey Forbes
Directed By:
David Solomon
Production Code:
4ABB05
11:32 AM
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