Love - Art - Disease - Pain - Life-Humanness - "Otherness"
In our desensitised society,
the artists,
the bohemians, poor, discarded,
"others", recovering addicts -
all are more in touch
with their human-ness
than the so called
mainstream.
Despite everything -
HUMANNESS, LOVE, LIFE, ART survives.
-Jonathan Larson
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Friday, September 05, 2003
SAVING ALL THE LOVE you would invite me in on a whim and i'd stay as long as you let me. i'd watch that smile that would stretch to your chin when you said that you'd never forget me. it took that whole bottle for me to say, "oh, i wish you would stay." and i'll take all your worries away while wondering how i'm gonna get you to quit smoking. but you stay and smile at my jokes and my anecdotes. so i owe you now but this road sign ain't forever. 'cause i'm saving all the love that i'm supposed to give to jesus so that i can give it all to you. and the lord's gonna be jealous but he ain't never seen you let your hair down. and when we're dancing to the alter the preacher won't believe us, your mother fucking hates me and the lord will deceive us but i'll still be giving it away. i'm gonna give it all to you. you come and watch me play the piano and i'm supposed to watch your thoughts as you think. and i'm young and wrong but your hair is long and it's dark as the wine that we drink. remind me of old east bay street and of friday night. remind me you're taken and that i am mistaken but still to call you when i turn twenty-five. and when we're dancing to the alter the preacher won't believe us, your daddy's gonna shoot me and the lord will deceive us but i'll still be giving it away. i'm gonna give it all to you.
NOW YOU'RE GORGEOUS, NOW YOU'RE GONE lost your way, found another man's bed instead. yes you did. and his shoulder was free but he can't sing as good as me. and my mama still asks about you. instead all my speeches sound better as lines. it all went to hell when you got your pictures, because you finally believed me when i said that you were so pretty. it all went to hell when you got your nerve, because you realized that i don't deserve you and that's for damn sure. instead my love letters read better as lines. now you're gorgeous, now you're gone, love you better now that you're sleeping around. now you're gorgeous and i'm drinking alone. i gladly would grieve you but i can't perceive you, by and by i will. i gladly would save you but i can't behave. now you're priceless and i'm so very poor.
-Joe Firstman www.joefirstman.com
5:06 PM
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Happy Birthday To Me...
Wow. Today's my 28th birthday. Funny...I don't feel any older since yesterday. Since this past year has been a return to my childhood, (with all of the toys that I had when I was little making a come-back), it made me start thinking about how birthday's were always such a big deal in my family. My birthdays were always "special", because it fell right when school had started back. I would usually have two parties...one for all the kids and one at my aunt's house in Rock Hill. In fact, I now have a serious fear of clowns because of my 2nd grade birthday party at Putt-Putt.
How do you find clowns anyway? Are they in the phone book? Is there some mom-networking that recommends clowns? I'm not sure where my mom found this one, but he was a piece of work. Maybe he was Putt-Putt standard issue...
First of all, it was a complete surprise. He showed up right after I opened my gifts to make balloon animals or something...but scared the shit out of me and my friends. His giant orange afro and yellow polka-dotted suit were really frightening. Second, he showed up drunk. Not happy drunk, falling down, cussing, beligerant, morning-after-liquor-smelling drunk. To an 8 year old...that's really foreign and off-putting.
The balloons popped. He slurred and breathed in everyone's face. The flower didn't squirt water. He fell over one of the tables. The horn didn't honk. He couldn't remember any tricks. The never-ending scarf up his sleeve ended. My friends left and played video games.
Oh, and the worst part. He had this problem controlling his diarrhea. I guess it's difficult when you're in a clown suit.
Enough said.
I don't know if my mom noticed or she just figured out that I didn't really enjoy him being there, I never talked to her about it. But, she never had a clown at one of my birthdays again. I had many other more memorable, less insane birthday parties consisting of swimming, Showbiz Pizza, Chuck E Cheese and movies, so I guess I turned out alright. Enormous mice that serve pizza and sing are OK, just no clowns.
"Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these."
--Susan B. Anthony
11:51 AM
Sunday, August 31, 2003
Sarah McLachlans' new single will hit the radio tomorrow...
and...
it's...
amazing.
FALLEN
Heaven bent
to take my hand
and lead me through the fire
We've a long awaited answer
to a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
but somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
and the cost was so much more than I could bare
Though I've tried,
Fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
better I should know
so don't come 'round here
and tell me, "I told you so"
We all came with good intent
and love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
the past could be undone
But we carry on our back the burden
Time always reveals
and the lonely light of morning
in the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
that I've held so dear
I've Fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
better I should know
So don't come 'round here
and tell me, "I told you so"
Ooooooh
Heaven bent
to take my hand
No where left to turn
I've lost all those i thought were friends
to everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
that it's one mistep, one slip before you know it
and there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried
Fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
better I should know
So don't come 'round here
and tell me, "I told you so"
Oooh
I messed up
better I should know
So don't come 'round here
and tell me, "I told you so"
I'm gonna have my cake and eat it, too...
I turn 28 in three days and I ponder why we celebrate birthdays. Some people like attention and cake and presents, I suppose. I love to give gifts...but I'm horrible at receiving them. As I get older...I think that we should only celebrate birthdays if we start getting YOUNGER. Don't get me wrong, I still fantasize about having a huge birthday bash in my honor...once upon a dream. Call me a selfish fool, but everyone that I want with me on that day won't be. Some people aren't available, some people live too far away...and some people have, to put it quite simply, died. It'll be a good day to reflect on the past year and see how far I've grown...and maybe even to see how far I haven't.
Seasons Of Love
Rent
Five Hundred twenty five thounsand six hundred minutes,
Five Hundred twenty five thounsand moments so dear,
Five Hundred twenty five thounsand six hundred minutes,
how do you measure - measure a year?
In daylights - in sunsets,
In midnights - in cups of coffee,
In inches - in miles
In laughter-in strife,
In - five Hundred twenty five thounsand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure
A year in the life?
How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love.
Seasons of love.
Five hundred twenty five thounsand six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty five thounsand journeys to plan,
Five hundred twenty five thounsand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?
In truths that she learned,
Or in times when he cried,
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died
Its time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Lets celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love Oh you got to, you got to remember to love.
Remember the love You know love is a gift from up above.
Remember the love Share Love. Give love. Spread love.
Measure in love Measure, measure your life in love...
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
4:33 PM
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